His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize