Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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