Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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