Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
