Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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