not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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