I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
