Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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