dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize