that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
