like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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