Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
