You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize