I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
