Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
