I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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