reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
