I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
