Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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