Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
