lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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