Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
