I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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