Betty ford says i'm here all night
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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