So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
