I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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