I skipped work to stalk him.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
