Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize