I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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