Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
