Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
