Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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