So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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