How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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