$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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