My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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