i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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