Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
