I think im going to throw up on grandma
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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