i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
