I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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