Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
