My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
