i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
