Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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