You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
