I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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