i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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