You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
