So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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