I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
