angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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