we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
