my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
