i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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