How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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