peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
