is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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