The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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