I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
