The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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