apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude i'm inner monologue high
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
