I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
