I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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