Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
