The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
